And Now, A Few Notes:

This MiST is going to contain at least a few revised riffs, because frankly I was never entirely satisfied with the way the original turned out. Just a warning.
 

********************
Beginning Transmission
MiST #10
MiSTed Fic: Blonde Exchange
MiSTing Status: Harried
********************
 

* To fully understand events in this MiSTing, please read "Crossover Sign" by yours truly. Join the "TTPCTS" club!
 

Welcome to Season Two.

In the not-too-distant future
(Bodger: Still stuck here! Yessiree!)
There was a guy named Joel
Not so different from you or me

He tried to contact the SoL
But his efforts really didn't go that well
Now our dark clones chase him all around the place
So that he can join our heroes in the emptiness of space
(Kirin: Not if WE have anything to say about it!)

Dark Kirin: We'll send him cheesy fanfics
From our horrific keep (la la la)
And if we finally drive him nuts
We will rule the evil heap! (la la la)

Course while he roams the country
Evading D.K's grasp, (la la la)
The Avatars still MiST the fics
And give us all our laughs!

S.I. Role Call!

Bodger! (I DON'T have a crush!)
Kirin! (Sure you don't.)
Alexis! (Lemons suck.)
Crow 2! (Waffles?)
Hibiiiiiiichi! (Whatever...)

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe
And other logic facts (la la la)
Remember they're all fictional (All: HEY!)
So sit back and relax

For Mystery Avatar Theater, 3000! *thunk*
 

SoA
 

"ACK!"

Alexis heard the shout before she even entered the bridge. The doors opened and greeted her with the sight of Crow 2 sprawled out on the floor with anime-type swirls where his eyes ought to be. A computer was set up on the counter, where there appeared to be a text file on screen.

"Something wrong, Goldie?" she asked wryly.

"Web page . . . obsessives . . . look . . ." Crow 2 managed to get out.

Alexis looked. "The Joel Train? Sounds strange."

"Check... poetry . . ."

"Uh, sure." She read. Her eyes widened. "Weeeell, hell-o Joel."

#Well hello to you too, Alexis,# the ham radio on the counter next to the computer buzzed. The radio had recently been modified to work on a more speaker-phone basis owing to recent events which required more open communication.

"Hey stud," she replied coyly.

#Wha . . . stud?#

"Got web access, Joel?" she asked.

#Uh, yeah. Why?#

"Oh, just a little something I think you oughta see, heh heh." The commercial sign flashed.

# . . . Do I even want to know?#
 

"Well?"

#Um, I suppose it IS flattering in a, um, slightly disturbing way . . .#

"Heh."

#Who's Joel Hodgson, by the way?#

Alexis sweatdropped. "Er, nobody in particular."

#Okay . . .# he replied, not entirely believing her.

Crow 2 finally moved. "Ohh Auntie Em, I had the strangest dream! I dreamt there was this website where people wrote erotic stories about Joel and -- oh, hi Alexis! What's on the computer monitor?"

"Nothing," she replied, quickly hitting the back button.

"Oh. Right." Crow 2 got up.

Alexis looked back at the screen and raised her eyebrows. "Waffle World?"

"Yeah! Ever since I hooked up with Crow, I've had the strangest urge for waffles! Isn't that weird?"

#Heh heh . . . whoops.#

Kirin and Hibichi entered the bridge at this point, saving the trio some uncomfortable conversations. Kirin looked at Alexis and Crow 2. "What's up with you guys? You're sweatdropping."

"Nothing!" the pair replied simultaneously and somewhat quickly.

"Oh. Okay then," he replied. He wasn't really this naive, but anything that made anybody THAT nervous wasn't worth finding out about. "Anyway, the Mads are calling."

He pressed the message light.
 

Castle Flipside
 

D. Alexis and D. Hibichi were there, cleaning up the mess that the recent scuffle in the control room had caused; however, D. Kirin was nowhere to be seen. D. Alexis looked up. "Oh. Hey you guys," she said.
 

SoA
 

Kirin blinked. "My dark clone making you guys do the dirty work or something?" he asked.
 

Castle Flipside
 

D. Alexis scowled. "Kinda. The jerk took off and we haven't seen ear nor eye of him since the whole thing with the anomaly," she replied.

"Yeah, and we'd notice the ear," added D. Hibichi, sniggering.
 

SoA
 

"I choose to ignore that," said Kirin.
 

Castle Flipside
 

"Don't think you're getting off lightly, though. We've got a doozy of a fic here for you all -- a Sailor Moon/Final Fantasy VI crossover. At least we won't be the ONLY ones with something to labor through!" She laughed evilly. "Hah! Who'd've thunk WE'D get to be the head Mads at long last?"

"Doesn't really seem worth it to me . . ." muttered D. Hibichi as he stubbornly tried to clean the mark off the central launching tube.

"Oh stop whining, you baby. Here you go, rats! Enjoy! Or rather, DON'T."

She sent the fic.
 

SoA
 

"AAAAAAAAHHH!!! WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIGN!!!"

[Door Sequence: Heh heh heh . . .
   Door 6: It's a vault door, complete with combination lock.
   Door 5: It's the gate to the Esper World. You open it tentatively, only to get a sign from the ceiling reading "Out of Business." You shrug and move on.
   Door 4: It's a teleporter! Unfortunately, it only goes from one end of the room to the other. You move on.
   Door 3: It's a boulder. You shout, "Open Sesame!" and it moves aside magically.
   Door 2: It's a wall of bubbles. You blow them away.
   Door 1: It's an ordinary theater entrance.]

[In case you forgot, from L-R: Kirin, Alexis, Hibichi, Crow 2]

Kirin: Well thank you for the reminder.
Alexis: Shh shh shh!

Blonde Exchange, by Boyce
-------------------------

Hibichi: Dude, I'll give you the Hanson brothers and Flash Gordon in exchange for Gwyneth Paltrow and Meryl Streep.
Crow 2: No deal!

/* Tokyo *\
It was a beautiful summer day in Tokyo. The birds were singing in the trees. Many people were walking in the streets, taking some fresh air.

All: *SNORT*
Kirin: Fresh air in the city sure smells a lot like diesel fuel.

The girls decided to make some shopping on this sunny day. They already made severals stores,

Alexis: They're members of "Shopping for Humanity."
Hibichi: [Store] Crap! We've been made! Let's boogie!

but they still had the energy to shop, most of them. They passed besides an antique shop.

Kirin: [Serena] Heeey, an eight-track player! Score!

Mina : Hey I bet they have some cool stuff in here. Why don't we check it out?
Lita : I don't know... Seems only junk to me.

Crow 2: Very specifically, a Chinese Junk.
[rimshot]

Serena : I'm tired of walking. We should head home.
Mina : Come on... I never complained when you dragged me into your stores... Why can't we go inside just to take a peek? It won't be long.

Alexis: [Serena] That's what you said about the Banana Republic! That was four hours ago!

Raye : It could be interesting. I'm sure there's some mystic stuff in there. I think we should go inside.

Hibichi: [author] Foreshadowing? Why, I don't know the meaning of the word, your honor!

Mina : Thanks Raye! But anyway, if you don't want to come with us, you can head home, or into another place.

Kirin: [Mina] Like Boring, Oregon. Or maybe France.

We'll meet at the Temple before supper like planned, okay?
Lita : Okay well, I'll head to the Temple with Serena, since she seems tired. What'll you do Amy?
Amy : Well, I'm eager to read this new book I bought at the library.

Alexis: [sarcastically] Oh yes. The library just pawns 'em off like mad. I mean, that's what they're there for, aren't they?
Hibichi: *ahem* Ami stereotype alert.

I'll head at the Temple too if you don't mind.
Raye : Okay Amy. Well we'll meet you there after we're finish here. Are you coming Mina?
Mina : Yeah!! See ya later Guys!!
Serena : Bye Bye. Don't be late.

Crow 2: [Serena] We're planning to go to the beach later!
Kirin: Well that was a "one-shot" gag.
Alexis: Don't make me turn it into "two-shots."
Kirin/Crow 2: Eep!

Raye : (To Mina) Yeah, like she's NEVER late...

Hibichi: I just realized something.
Kirin: What's that?
Hibichi: We're already several paragraphs into the story and Serena hasn't cried like a baby yet!
Kirin: [whistles in admiration] Impressive.

The two girls entered the shop. Some little bells rang when they opened the door.

Crow 2: Yay! That means some angels got their wings!
Kirin: They're entering the shop with bells on.

A weird smell was floating all around the store. On the shelves were all sorts of objects : Dolls, Herbs, etc. The two girls entered, looking at all that weird stuff.

Hibichi: And yet even THIS store sold American flags.

When they passed in front of the counter, they saw an old chinese man, smoking a pipe. "Hello Girls. Please look around", the clerk said. "Thank you Sir", Mina replied politely.

Alexis: Which is what they were doing anyway, but at least now they had permission.

Raye and Mina separated themselves.

Crow 2: Don't you need a fully qualified surgeon to do that?
Hibichi: Oh dear, they've separated. That means the monster's going to get at least one of them.
Kirin: What monster?
Hibichi: THE monster! Don't you ever watch 80s horror movies?
Kirin: . . . Sure kid.

Raye went to see the scrolls and charms in the back of the store. Mina looked at all the stuff on the shelves. One particular item hold her attention.

Crow 2: It was a Hello Kitty vibrator! *WHACK!*
Alexis: That's just wrong, in a number of ways.
Crow 2: It's true! It's true!
Alexis: I never said it wasn't. *shudder*

It was a nice little crystal in form of a snow flake. A little silver chain was holding it, so you could put it around your neck.

Kirin: And then pull back, cutting off circulation. VERY handy.
Alexis: Getting dark again, I see.

She checked the price at 2500 yens. It was not very expensive, so she took it. When she returned to the counter, Raye was there, with all sorts of scrolls in her hands.
Raye : Did you find anything Mina?
Mina : Yeah... I like this crystal. Don't you think it's cute?

Hibichi: [Mina] I'm going to call it Jean-Claude.

Raye : Wow!! It's really beautiful.
Clerk : I see you are interested in buying the snow necklace. Do you know there's a legend attached to it?
Mina : A legend?

Crow 2: [Clerk] Yeah, and you're not allowed to cut it off under penalty of law.

Clerk : Yes... It is said that somewhere else in the Universe lies a necklace that makes a pair with this one. When the snow necklace will be worn, the fire necklace will appear somewhere else.

Kirin: [Clerk] Most likely, under your bed. Everything seems to turn up under your bed sooner or later . . .

Raye : And what will that do?
Clerk : I don't know. That's the only part of the legend I can remember...

All: D'oh!
Crow 2: Anybody who DIDN'T see that coming raise your hand.

Mina : (Takes the money out) Well legend or not, I'm buying this necklace. It's so cute.
Clerk : A wise choice, Miss. It will go well on you... You're not afraid of the legend?

Hibichi: [Mina] Actually, I'm scared hitless, but I really like the feeling!

Mina : No way... It's just an old fairy tale. (She takes her bag) Well, Thank you very much Mister.
Clerk : The pleasure was mine, girls. Bye
Raye : Good-Bye Sir.

Alexis: [Raye] Dirty old man.

The girls got out of the store, and headed toward the Temple. On her way, Mina took out the package, and passed the necklace around her neck. "Does it look good on me?", she asked her friend. "Of course Mina", Raye answered, smiling.

Alexis: [Raye, thinking] What a godawful piece of junk! Why the hell did she pick up such an ugly trinket?

Mina smiled too. "All right. Let's continue our walk then", Mina ended.

Crow 2: And she will be missed. The end!
Kirin: Ohhh no you don't.

------
/* Figaro Cave *\
An earthquake occured that day near Figaro Castle.

Crow 2: They'd served bean burritos in the dining hall that day.
Kirin: MAT3K: Bringing you a higher quality of humor.

Edgar asked his friend Locke if he could make a round, to see if everything was okay. He accepted, and headed out of the castle. He had the permission to ride a Chocobo from Figaro castle. He headed toward the cave, South of the castle. He attached his Chocobo.

Hibichi: I thought junctioning didn't happen until Final Fantasy VII.
Alexis: No no no . . .

Just before entering, he heard a familiar voice.

Kirin: [laughs like Kefka]
Crow 2: Ack! Don't do that, man!

????? : Hey Locke!! Going treasure hunting without me?

Hibichi: It's Terra!

Locke : Celes... What are you doing here?

Hibichi: Or . . . not.

Celes : I was heading toward Figaro castle, and I saw you leave toward the cave, so I followed you. Where are you heading? To South Figaro?

Crow 2: [Locke] I WAS . . .
Alexis: [Locke] No, I'm headed towards Miami. Beats hanging around this dung heap.

Locke : Yeah... There was an earthquake today. Edgar asked me if I could check if everything was okay around here.
Celes : Mind if I tag along? (She winked)

Kirin: (We gathered.)
Alexis: [Celes] o/~What a night to go dreaming, mind if I tag along? o/~
Hibichi: You really ain't no Bing Crosby, Alexis.
Alexis: Well I should hope NOT . . .

Locke : Do I have any choices? You'll follow me even if I say no. But I never say no to a Lady.

Kirin: See, here is where the author clearly got Locke mixed up with Edgar.

Celes : All right then. Let's go!
She attached her Chocobo besides the one of Locke. They entered the cave. They advanced in it, encountering some weak monsters that they easily defeated. They progressed rapidly until they saw a light coming from the end of the tunnel.

Alexis: . . . at which point they promptly break out into a traditional African American spiritual song.
Crow 2: Advance towards the light, my children . . .

As they were walking, they heard a growl behind them. They turned and saw a Chimera. "That's weird... There's no Chimera in this part of the world", said Locke. "Yeah... Let's defeat it before it does any damage", Celes replied.

Hibichi: [Locke] What a cute little animal.
Crow 2: [Celes] Yeah . . . let's hit it with a rock, and eat it!

Locke got his Wing Edge out, and Celes took the Atma Weapon.

Hibichi: AHEM. Resisting the urge, resisting the urge . . .
Alexis: [smiling] I have taught him well.

Locke threw his Wing Egde at the beast, cutting it in half. The beast growled, and disappeared in a flash of light, leaving a treasure chest behind. "Thanks a lot Locke. You didn't even leave me a little piece", she mumbled.

Alexis: [Celes] I wanna rip into some creatures and tear out their innards! Blood! BLOOOD!

"Sorry... I guess I don't know my strength", he replied, smiling. He was heading toward the treasure chest. He opened it, and inside laid 50 gold pieces.

Kirin: [author] See? See folks! Cause . . . cause this is a video game an'. . . an' they get gold when they kill beasties . . . see, and this is how it happens.
Hibichi: Last night he laid a diamond ring, too. It's a sad, sad condition. *WHACK!*
Alexis: Oof. I knew I shouldn't have been lured into a false sense of security.

Celes : What did it left?
Locke : Not much... About 40-50 gold pieces at first sight
Celes : (Looking inside the treasure chest) Jeez... Hey what's that?? (She took a red thing in her hand)

Crow 2: [Celes] Wow, it's a clown nose! I decree this the best treasure EVER!

AH!! You tried to hide this from me, didn't you Mr I-Have-To-Keep-All-The-Treasures-For-Myself.

Alexis: I thought his last name was Cole.
[Hibichi hits her on the arm.]

Locke : What? What did you find?
Celes : (Opening her hand) It's look like a medallion shaped in a little flame.
Locke : A medallion?

Alexis: [Celes] Did I say "medallion?" I meant DOORKNOB.

Celes : Yeah... And since you didn't leave me a part of the Chimera, I'm keeping it for me.

Kirin: Bloodthirsty type, no?
Crow 2: The Chimera should be lucky that LOCKE killed him.

Locke : All right All right!! But I didn't saw it in the treasure chest, honest!!

Alexis: No, actually, he made it a point to take it OUT of the treasure chest before he began to saw into it.
Kirin: Watch the grammar flames, Alexis.
Alexis: I can't help it! I'm back in familiar territory again!

Celes : (Putting it around her neck) Stop whining, and tell me if it goes well on me.
Locke : You know everything goes well on you Celes.

Kirin: *gag*

Celes : (Blushing) Oh Locke. You always have the words to amaze me! Let's get going to South Figaro.

Hibichi: [Locke] Here's some more words to amaze you! Antidisestablishmentterrianism. Gregarious. Indistinguishable.
Crow 2: [Celes] Oh, LOCKE!

With these words, she headed to the exit. Locke was behind her. He transferred the money into his pocket, and ran after Celes. They got out of the cave. They could see the little town not too far away, and walked to reach it.

Kirin: And then promptly stepped on it.
Alexis: REALLY little town.

------
/* Cherry Hill Temple *\

Crow 2: Founded by the people who brought you Blueberry Hill and Strawberry Fields.

The 5 girls were at the Temple. They had supper earlier on. Lita and Amy were inside, talking to each other. Serena, Raye and Mina were outside, talking, and looking at the stars.

Alexis: Well, they weren't doing it simultaneously. Raye was looking at the stars, Mina was outside, and Serena was just kinda babbling to herself.

Serena was looking at the medallion Mina bought earlier in the antique shop.
Serena : It's so cute!!
Raye : Yeah we know... It's the 14th time you say that Serena.

Kirin: Yes, but it's just that CUTE!

Mina : (Laughing) That's okay Raye. I you had come with us inside the store, maybe you would have spot it before me, and bought it, Serena.
Serena : Yeah... I regret it now!! Oh It's so cute!!
Raye : SERENA!!!
Serena : What?
Raye : You said it again!!

Crow 2: [Serena] Well I can't not say it if I don't know what 'it' is!
Kirin: [Raye] AH! You said it! AH! Now I've said it! AH!

Serena : I can't help it... Just look at it. Don't you think it's sooooooooo cute??

Hibichi: Dude. That thing has to be cuter than Makona, Babbit and all the Pokemon COMBINED to be THAT cute. [twitches slightly as he mentions "Pokemon"]

Raye : (Tear Drop) I give up...
Mina was laughing again.

Crow 2: [Mina] She gives up! Ah ha ha! Oh, that's hilarious!

Raye was now looking at the sky, trying to forget about Serena.

Kirin: That's good. In the end, it'll be the best for the both of them that she can forget about their relationship.

She saw a shooting star, and closed her eyes, to make a wish. Serena was still holding the snow medallion of Mina. She was looking at it with big eyes. Mina stopped laughing, and was now smiling.

Alexis: She was incapable of doing both simultaneously.

Mina : Do you want to wear it a bit Serena?
Serena : What?? YESYESYESYESYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

Hibichi: Geez, this is just FULL of hentai possibilities.
Crow 2: The whole Sailor Moon IDEA is full of hentai possibilities.

Raye : I'm sure she won't be able to remove it, once she'll have it around her neck.

Alexis: [Raye] Yes, because there's an evil curse that causes something REALLY horrible to happen to the person . . . not that I'm foreshadowing, of course.

Serena : Oh yeah? I know it's not mine. I'll give it back to Mina right after. At least she let me wear it. She's a great friend.

Kirin: [Serena] Unlike you. Nyeah!

Mina : Serena...
Raye : (Smiling) Sorry about that Serena.
Serena was so surprise to hear her friend apologize. Mina was about to get the necklace out of her neck.

Crow 2: Ewww!
Hibichi: She's a treasure chest!

Suddenly, the snow medallion glowed in a bright white.

Kirin: Groovy. It's a mood necklace.

"Hey what's happening?", said a puzzled Mina. But before any of her 2 friends could say a thing, Mina glowed in the same white, and in a fraction of second, the light disappeared, taking Mina with it.

Alexis: [light] If ah'm goin' ah'm takin' you with me!

------
/* Cave, South of Figaro castle *\
Locke and Celes had completed their mission. Everything seemed normal in South Figaro, so they head back to the castle, to tell their report to the king of Figaro, Edgar.

Crow 2: [Locke] Nothing unusual, sir. They were all repeating their lines over and over again as normal.

They got out of the cave, and detached their Chocobo.

Hibichi: Didn't they have two before?
Kirin: Maybe they merged.
Alexis: Yeah, you have to watch out for these Chocobos -- turn your back, and they fuse together.
Hibichi: Heh heh heh . . .
Alexis: What? [realizes what she said] D'OH!

Locke : Are you coming to the castle with me?
Celes : That was my first destination, remember?
Locke : Jeez sorry Celes... Don't take it that way.
Celes : That was a stupid question Locke.
Locke : All right then!! I won't ask any more questions if you take everything the bad way!

Kirin: [Locke] In fact, I just won't talk at all! You satisfied?
Alexis: [Celes] Quite.

Celes : Okay Okay.. I'm sorry!! I over-reacted. Are you happy now?

Crow 2: Sheesh! Somebody needs a sedative!

Locke : (Smiling) Of course!! The Mighty Celes has apologized to me. AYE!! (He runned on his Chocobo)
Celes : That Locke... He'll never change!! AYE!!

Kirin: Aye, mateys, they be turnin' into pirates all of a sudden!
Crow 2: Aye think, therefore aye am.

Locke was in front of Celes, running on his Chocobo. In the back, Celes was admiring her fire medallion. She loved it very much.

Alexis: They were planning to get married someday. The medallion even had a ring all picked out already.

At least she got something valuable out of this trip. Just as she gave an order at her Chocobo to run faster, the medallion glowed in a bright red light.

Crow 2: MOVIE SIIIIIGN!

She looked at it, stunned.

Hibichi: [Celes] I've become a red light district! *WHAM!*
Alexis: It just never stops!

Then the light envelopped her entirely, and when it was gone, another person was riding the Chocobo.

Kirin: It was Jerry Springer. There was no particular reason for it, he was just there.

------
/* Cherry Hill Temple *\

Crow 2: What is up with these weird little decorations around the titles of the chapters?
Kirin: Maybe they're keeping the outside letters upright.

The light vanished. Raye turned her head, and avoided the flash made by the light.

Alexis: You mean blocked.
Kirin: Let's not jump to conclusions.

When she turned her head again, she saw some blonde hair. "What just happened Mina?", she asked. But when she looked entirely where her friend was, she had a big surprise.

Crow 2: The hair was the only thing left! BWA HA HA HA!

Raye : Hey!! You're not Mina!! Who are you?? What did you do with her?
Celes : What the hell just happened?
Raye : ANSWER ME!!
Celes : Watch you tongue girl... Or I'll slice you in two.

Hibichi: [Celes] And then I'll serve one half as a roast, saving the rest for later and ensuring a cheap and tasty alternative to buying groceries! [pause; normal] I think I just grossed myself out.

Raye : Just try it, you imposter.
Celes : All right. You asked for it.
Celes took her Atma Weapon out. It was glowing a bright blue, and she made a quick swing at Raye. Raye sense it, and made a black flip to avoid it.

Kirin: See, it's better to have a black flip, because all the other colors just aren't aerodynamic enough.

"Not bad girl... Not bad", Celes replied. Serena was stunned, and went inside to tell that there was this girl attacking Raye.

Crow 2: [Serena] I'm TEEEEEELLING!
Alexis: Oh yes girl, that's marvelous. Don't bother to HELP or anything . . .

Celes was running at Raye with her sword, and Raye was avoiding each blow. "All right girl... Try avoiding this! PEARL!!", she screamed.

Kirin: [Pearl Forrester] Don't bother me! I'm trying to think up a good way to take over the world here!

She lift her hands in the air, and light pearls appeared in her hands.

Alexis: Not to mention an ermine cloak on her shoulders and a beautiful evening gown on her body!
Hibichi: But magic disappeared from the Final Fantasy VI world at the end of the game!
Kirin: Ah, but you can never keep magic down. It always comes back.
Crow 2: Only in fan fiction . . .

As she was about to launch her magic attack, she was struck by an unknown force.

Alexis: Ricky-mania!

"JUPITER THUNDER CRASH"
The lightning of Jupiter hit Celes. She lost her concentration, and fell to her knees. Her Atma Weapon was now shorter.

Kirin: All right, all right, I realize I don't usually make comments like this, but there's gotta be a phallic metaphor here somewhere.
Alexis [Prepares to whack Kirin] Hmm . . . actually . . .
Crow 2: Oh, so he gets away with it and we don't?
Alexis: Yeah, you're right. [whacks Kirin]
Kirin: OW!

Celes turned her head, and saw 3 unknown warriors to her.
Celes : Such power... Only one blast, and I'm already this weak... Go ahead and kill me then...

Hibichi: Seems like the real blonde exchange here was between Celes Chere and Relena Peacecraft.

Raye : Hey! We don't want to kill you... Not before you told us what you did to Mina...

Crow 2: [Celes] Oh, nothing too bad, but if you hear something about a limb in a dumpster . . . uh, that wasn't me.

Celes : I don't know any Mina...
Moon : Then how come you were standing exactly where she was?

Alexis: [Celes] Ah, but how do you know that I'm not actually Mina, and you're just seeing me properly for the first time?
Hibichi: [Sailor Moon] Um, well . . .
Alexis: [Celes] And for that matter, Mina might never have actually existed, and it's just been me the WHOOOOLE time!
Hibichi: [Sailor Moon] WAAAGH! You're giving me a headache!
Alexis: [Celes] Heh heh heh . . .

Celes : What are you saying?? I was with Locke, heading back at Figaro castle.

All: o/~ Fiiiiigaro figarofigarofigaro fi-ga-rooooooo! o/~

Then this medallion glowed, and I was now here...

Kirin: [ala The Wonder Years] But where was here, exactly? I didn't know it at the time, but I was about to do a lot of growing up.

Mercury: Figaro castle?? Where could that be? I don't know any places called Figaro castle...

All: o/~ Fiiiiiiigaro!o/~

Celes : It's in the desert, near Narshe...
Jupiter: Narshe??

Crow 2: Narshe. Poinshe. Fjordshe.
Hibichi: Pinky on vodka.

Celes : Yeah!! Don't you know your geography?? Narshe, Figaro,

All: [quickly] o/~Figaro!o/~

Jidoor, Mobliz... These are towns around the world!!

Alexis: Thank you, Miss Geography Major.

Moon : I think she hit her head very hard, don't you think?

Kirin: Nah, she's always like that.

Mercury: I don't know Serena... Look at her : Armor, sword... Maybe she does comes from somewhere else.

Crow 2: [Mercury] I'm thinking an insane asylum.

>Celes : What is this town called then?
Jupiter: You're in Tokyo of course. And it's a city, not a town...
Celes : Tokyo?? What a stupid name for a city

Alexis: Way to make a first impression, Celes.
Hibichi: Geez, these guys wouldn't have enough tact to fit the head of a pin.

Raye : ANYWAY, what is you name?
Celes : My name is Celes... Celes Chere.

Crow 2: [Raye] Well, nice to meet you, Celes Celes Chere. Is that like Major Major Major?
Alexis: [Celes] No no no no . . .

Raye : (Looking at her) Hmm... You talked about a medallion right? Is it related to Fire?

Kirin: [Celes] Yes, but only as a distant cousin.

Celes : (Surprised) How did you know that??
Moon : Yeah Raye... How did you know that?
Raye : (Panicking) Oh man... It's the legend!! The legend associated with the necklace of Mina.

Hibichi: Wow! She's got a magical relic named after her! What are the odds?

Mercury: Calm down Raye... What legend are you talking about? Tell us.
Raye : (Calming down) Come in... I'll tell you. Hmm Celes is that it? Maybe you'd better come inside too...

Crow 2: [Raye] I've got Folgers, Nescafe, and seventeen different types of herbal tea if you want anything . . .

Celes : How do I know it's not a trap?
Jupiter: Nothing, but it may be the only way to get to the end of this mystery.

Kirin: Well duh! It's obviously all the fault of Mr. Marley, the amusement park owner!
Alexis: [Marley] And I would've got away with it too, if it weren't for you pesky Scouts!

I'm sorry about this attack, but I couldn't let you hurt Raye.
Celes : You must be Raye then... I'm sorry about my panic. But I'm a bit hot tempered as you seen...

All: Gee, ya THINK?

Raye : (Smiling) We'll explain everything when we get inside. And don't worry about the attacks. I'm use to that.

Crow 2: [Raye, geeky] The kids at school used to do it all the time!

Celes : You are? How come?
Mercury: Come inside... We'll tell you what we mean.

Hibichi: Greeeeeat, tell a total stranger who you really are. Why don't you throw a party for the Negaverse while you're at it?

Moon : (Low-voice) They have a lot in common Raye and her...

Alexis: They're both high-ranking generals with a predisposition for yearning after bandana-wearing thieves?
Crow 2: No, they both provide fan service.

The two others girls laughed. Celes withdrew her weapon, and walked inside the Temple.

Kirin: Should've kept the weapon in the bank. It'll accumulate more interest that way.

The 4 girls entered right after her. Raye started explaining the legend the clerk told her and Mina about the snow necklace.

Crow 2: [Raye] He claimed it came with a free frozen yogurt, too! The bastard.
Kirin: What say we break here?
Alexis: Already? Fine . . .

[They exit the theater.]

[Door Sequence: 1-2-3-4-5-6]

[Cambot is on.]

[Crow 2 has set up an odd little stand. It appears to be covered with various little knick-knacks. Hibichi walks up to him.]

Hibichi: Hey Crow 2! Whatchya got here? [He picks up one of the knick-knacks.]

Crow 2: Ab-bup-bup-bup! Did I tell you you could look?

Hibichi: Huh? Oh, sorry! [Puts it back.]

Crow 2: Feel free to look around at my little shop.

Hibichi: Wha . . . but you just said --

Crow 2: That was BEFORE I gave my permission. NOW you can look.

Hibichi: . . . Ohhhh I get it now. You're like that shopkeeper in the story, aren't you?

Crow 2: Yep! Welcome to Crow 2's Shoppe of Magick Knick-knacks!

Hibichi: What's with the funky spelling?

Crow 2: Dunno. Just thought it sounded cooler, I guess.

Hibichi: Oh, okay. So what does this do? [picks up an amulet]

Crow 2: Ahh, yes, very ancient legend behind that. They say it can transport you somewhere else!

Hibichi: Really? Wow! Where?

Crow 2: Uh, I forgot that part of the legend . . .

Hibichi: Figures. How much is it?

Crow 2: $400.

Hibichi: FOUR HUN -- but I don't even know if it works!

Crow 2: So? Don't you think it's just sooo cute?

Hibichi: Well, not really. Actually, the gold paint seems to be peeling off . . .

Crow 2: Yes, but that only enhances its magical abilities!

Hibichi: And what's this "Made in China" imprint here?

Crow 2: It was made with the spring waters of the Jusenkyou lakes!

Hibichi: Forget it. I'm not wasting my money on that!

[Hibichi puts it down and walks off.]

Crow 2: Hmm, maybe if I sold them to Sailor Scouts . . .
 

End Part 1

***************************************

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) by Best Brains Inc. All rights reserved.
Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei (and unfortunately DiC, or at least if everything I've read is true...).
Final Fantasy VI is the property of Hironobu Sakaguchi and the folks at Square, eternal creator of RPGs.
All MSTers in this fic belong to me, although Crow 2 is borderline. That's right, MiSTers. Mads too. Anybody else is probably NOT mine.
Blonde Exchange is the property of Boyce. No offense to the author is intended by this MiSTing.
All comments, criticisms and (hopefully few) flames can be sent to bodgerkirin@hotmail.com

Trimmed for the reader's convenience.